I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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