The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
