ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
