At least make sure they are 18
Why
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
