I cannot find my penis.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
