In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
