theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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