i just wanna soil my oats bro
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
