I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
