You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
well you can't waste a boner
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
