ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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