Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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