Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
