Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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