were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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