hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
