so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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