I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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