I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
