Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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