I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
