The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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