My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
