Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
