I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
