The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
