YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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