What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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