I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
