I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
