This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
