Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
