Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
