I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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