I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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