she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
