god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
