like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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