Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
