and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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