It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
