fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
