I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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