i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
