so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
