You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
