How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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