Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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