There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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