During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
