1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
