he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
