Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
