Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.