I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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