She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
