I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
