If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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