if you like me you must not know who I am
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
