The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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